Expecting

Before I begin, let me just clarify that I have never been pregnant.

At this point in my life, I'm content with food babies and infant animal pictures on the internet.

And I believe there is good reason for this.  If pregnancy were a prescription drug, no doctor in their right mind would recommend that.  Sure, in the stereotypical commercial for "Pregnancy" there'd be a mom with two adorable children.  It would start with images of the mother pushing her two perfect kids on a swingset and then cut to a scene of them visiting a beach completely lacking in annoying birds, seaweed, and middle aged men in speedos.  There'd be a soothing voice playing over the images talking about how before this woman had children, she felt lonely, depressed, and I don't know, maybe her eyesight was bad.

"But now, after Pregnancy, I feel so much more fulfilled, joyful, motivated, and I can see clearly now, the rain is gone.  Rasta la vista."

Slowly though, things take a turn for the worse.  Not in the video of course, the kids have stumbled upon an unusually safe and danger-free, naturally occurring tide pool while the mom watches from a far too distant location.  No, the audio changes as we hit the side effects.  Oh lord: lack of energy, back pain, moodiness, vomiting, and the most tragic side effect for women everywhere: extreme weight gain.  As long as those kids are playing with that starfish though, it's probably fine.  Right?

Sorry.  To me, that just doesn't seem like it would solve loneliness near as efficiently as a quart of ice cream and a tabloid magazine.  And as unpleasant as that sounds, I have something else.  I've noticed an additional situation that possesses many of the same qualities as mothers do when they are expecting.

Sending your kid to college.

Don't dismiss it, the similarities are startling.

Lack of energy and back pain:  Hulk Hogan doesn't usually wander around college campuses helping students move in.  That means you will be the one hauling that mini fridge up four flights of stairs.  Thinking that your lack of coordination might cause you to fall up the stairs?  Let's get ready to tumble.

Moodiness:  I've been in contact with the firefighters tackling those wildfires in California.  I keep trying to tell them that I know the solution to their problem.  I figured I'd try to put my mom's daily ocean of tears to some good use.

Vomiting:  What better way to have your final family breakfast than in the college dining hall with a plate full of powdered eggs and salty bacon?  Talk about morning sickness.

Extreme weight gain:  You can't exactly just go to college wearing only the clothes on your back.  And what do you do when you need to pack months worth of clothes into three suitcases?  Give up and ask your mom.  Freshman 15? I was thinking more like Freshman 150.

But, as much as my mom may be at home powering the neighborhood sprinkler system with her constant flow of tears,  I'm looking forward to college.  I couldn't be more excited about what Eastman has to offer.  Despite the fact that sleeping in will end, I'm ready for classes to start.  Whether it be the people, the professors, the classes, or those powdered eggs and salty bacon, there's so much to look forward to.  Worst case scenario, I can always just stick to cereal for breakfast. And even after my first week of orientation, I know the growth that I will experience as a person and a musician over the next four years will be incredible.

I guess you could say I'm "expecting" great things.